I found this picture posted on a friend’s facebook page. I read it and read it again and thought “Oh my goodness, that is what I have been doing!”. I sometimes get this nervous, uncomfortable feeling that “I am not doing enough” or perhaps, “I am never doing enough because there is probably someone out there doing more than me in this moment”. What a silly thing to worry about! My fiance, parents, sister, and friends have shared concern before that I push myself too hard and even that I do too much at times. I used to argue them about it, but I am beginning to give up on that because it is not worth it, they are right. Not having something to do every moment is not a bad thing, it is rather relaxing really. I found comfort in knowing what I would do every moment of the day, but the more I planned every moment out, the less comfortable I became just being with myself with room to decide what to do or to do nothing at all.
This past winter break was rather different for me. I had a break from university and without work since I did not have a job during the fall semester. So I literally had about four weeks to relax, eek! That was a really uncomfortable realization for me at first, what would I do with myself and all the time I had!?
Well, first I slept, I slept until my body felt legitimately rested and not just pumped up with caffeine, then I visited family that I had not seen in months. I practiced my German a lot with my little cousins, I went to family Christmas parties, advent-sings, celebrated Christmas the German and American way, celebrated my birthday over the course of a few days, enjoyed the sauna a lot, biked all over the German countryside, and rested. I rested my mind, body, and soul. Having no set plans allowed me the time to mentally, physically and spiritually restore. What I was at first nervous for, turned out to be the biggest blessing!
I skyped many times with my family and friends in America.
I left my “comfort” zone (that I don’t believe that I was ever completely completely comfortable in anyways) that I had created where I always had too much to do and found another wonderful space to be in, where I stop “glorifying busy”!
Now, I am back in Berlin. I have at least one if not two job interviews this week – hopefully my dream to be a nanny in Germany will work out! I have a tandem language partner that I will soon be meeting. There are also hundreds of new study abroad students that I will meet tomorrow as that is when they fly in. Classes begin a week from today and I can feel the pull to be as busy as can be, but I also have now remembered, yet again, how absolutely beautiful it is to relax and take life as it comes. This vacation was different and wonderful. I feel restored, just like I feel after a trip to Maine with my family.