My Surreal Life
Right now, my “international life” is feeling a bit surreal… turning perhaps for a moment into “my surreal life”.
I have now been living in Berlin since mid-August of last year. I flew over without a ticket home and the opportunities ahead seemed endless, they were and they still are… that has not changed. Now though, I have a ticket back to the United States for the 15th of May, which is, of course right around the corner! When my plane landed in Hamburg, Germany last August, I won’t lie, I cried tears of excited nervousness. I was overwhelming excited for all that was to come, was nervous because I did not know what all of that was, and the reality that I had just moved to a country where I did not know the language suddenly struck me as a a bit terrifying! … I had just taken on one huge adventure. Looking back, I would not have it any other way. My time abroad here in Berlin has been nothing short of incredible. The journey has not been a smooth, emotionless path, it has instead been full of ups and downs, challenges (aka moments for growth) and its share of twists and turns. It has been a wonderful adventure none the less.
I used to be the type of person who made countdowns for everything: a new job start date, my birthday, a vacation, my time abroad etc., that is no longer something I do. By making countdowns I take away from my ability to live completely in the moment. When I countdown time, I am half in the present moment and half at the end date of my countdown which is not as much fun as just 100% being in the moment. I have no doubt that I will miss Berlin, the people here, the culture, the language, the “blue laws” (aka having stores closed on Sundays), the S-Bahn, U-Bahn, tram and bus travels, the history, all that gives Berlin its unique flavor I will truly miss it all… Berlin will stay here though, and just because I am leaving Berlin, does not mean that Berlin is leaving me.
I know now when I am going home so I suppose I could make a countdown, but that just seems silly now. I am thrilled to know that soon I will be seeing my family and friends that have been state-side this whole time. I feel conflicted though because I also do not want my time to end here, hence “my surreal life” as I cannot seem to fully grasp the reality that my time here is in fact ending in the next few weeks. I have today though and then when tomorrow comes, I have that day and so forth and so on… so why count down when life does that for me anyways!?
For all those who encouraged me to overcome my financial worries, my initial feelings of homesickness etc… Thank you!!! What began as excited nervousness for a place that was foreign has transitioned into excited sadness as I look forward to seeing those I love again in person but also feel the sting of not wanting to leave a place that I now call home. Instead of being sad though I am focusing on being grateful for my time abroad in Berlin, Germany where I have met some of the most amazing people, had some incredible never to be forgotten experiences and grown personally in many ways as life continued to move forward while I was here.